Rainy day thoughts

I have always wanted to be around people who look at everything with a different perspective, the ones who empower people and their ideas, the ones who talk beyond Kim Kardashian, the ones who use words you don’t understand and the ones who talks about North Korea’s nuclear policy. Lately I’ve been losing my focus and perspective which was something that I prided myself upon in the past. I do not know or understand what is the cause and how I’ve allowed it to grow on me. I have never felt this far away from myself any time in my life. The inability of expression and emotion is what sets me a back from being those people that I talked about. I’m at this phase that I’d like to call the ‘grey’ phase, it’s the midpoint of an empty headspace in which your neither joyous nor morose, simply a little grey. I’m aware it’s not the way of life and this is not even a real problem considering some countries are at war right now and there are people with real problems but mental state is an important aspect of our physical lives, I’ve always judged and analyzed a person’s character by the way they treat people who aren’t from the same economic class as them, it tells me way more about them then their demeanor towards me. Everyday I come across a plethora of people, different kinds of people, people from different cultural backgrounds, people who don’t speak my language and it intrigues me how everyone is programmed to complete a common routine and yet how differently each of them approach it but everyone seems to have one thing in common, they all are in the pursuit of something, an engineering seat in IIT, money, power, status, cars, Iphones, a rich husband, Estee Lauder’s new collection or perhaps even partying. My point is, as long as your pursuing or working towards attaining something in the long run, you’re in the right head space but what about the people like me? the people who don’t fit in mould? the ones with ideas and no resources, blinded by mediocrity and it’s facade, how liberating it would be to break free from the shackles of self absorbed pity and shine. I always thought the fear of failure would motivate me and at times it does but somehow it’s always never enough, you’re always uninspired to give it your all. how tragic it is to be in this space, it is not a way of life and definetely not to be mad a habbit about. Depression, Anxiety, stress are a side effect of being an uninspired human being, the more you dwell in it, the more you drown in it and I have always fought back the erg to lose myself in this, “labyrinth of suffering”