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IGrey space 

Recently, I was having a conversation with a friend whom I met a couple of months ago  and he pointed out that in the stories I tell,  I seemed more happy, joyous and content than the state that I am right now and it feels like im talking about a different person. Now what is it that changed in the past six months that there’s a drastic shift in my personality? Or is there really a deviation from whom I am? I have tried to analyze “sad” my whole life, what it means, where it originates and the repercussions of continued sadness. What I’ve learnt, it’s only cute when you’re a dying character in a book to lure pseudo intellects that made a ton of money. Now, everyone I’ve met has a way of dealing with emotions, and I say emotions because sadness is an emotion and not a state of mind. For example, my friend, Rakshitha, she’s literally the most hyper person you’ll ever meet when she’s excited, she screams, her exuberance level reaches way higher than the normal in order to share that momentarily joy of happiness with others but when she’s sad , She’s the exact opposite, she’s quiet,her shoulders droop, she’s wearing her so called inexpensive not for Ritu Kumar weddings glasses and doesn’t prefer sharing her thoughts . The extremity of her emotions is what fundamentally makes her, her. Now the shift, in her personality is obviously an observable one but my other friend, Smrithi, she’s non-chalant, I wouldn’t know a deviation in her norm, if it did occur(of course she’d tell me but that’s only because we’ve been friends for 10 years) because she’s very subtle with her emotions. She thought me to conceal my emotions while Rakshitha thought me to express them and I think between these two, I stand somewhere in between. I want to be subtle but I’m extreme with it. Sometimes, too much. Sometimes, too little. Now to answer that question, have I deviated from being the overly optimistic person who is obsessed with Kendall Jenner? I don’t think so, I’m fundamentally the same person.I only felt a deviation because I allowed my mind into entering that space  and before I knew it I thought I was sad, unloved and dumb.It’s the grey area, the place of insecurity and inhibitions.   In the stories I tell, I’m happy because it’s associated with a happy memory but that dosen’t conceal the fact that I’ve never been sad post/pre that event or an occasion. I have had really really great moments even in the worst of times and vice versa but that’s only emotions. Emotions are temporary, just like everything, I started the year with the hope of doing well in my boards which was satisfied upto an extent, in a few days ,a new year will be dawneD upon us, the idea if change is an obstacle to change. At the stroke of midnight, nothing really will change except everything. 

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