Guest writer: “Inconsistent thoughts”

Some thoughts or images overwhelm me constantly. These feelings which bloom, in the depths of my ragged soul cannot be put into words at that moment. Simultaneously, my emotions are ambiguous. I become tiny in my mind, a speck in the world of endless possibilities or a waste of opportunities. I wander to a far away peace in my head. The sanctuary of mine where I am accompanied by only my failures and regrets. This gets me thinking about how human beings are such beautiful creatures capable of creating magic through art, words and creativity. 

When I get trapped in my imagination, I feel like I’m restless. I want to be in so many places at the same time and yet, I make no move to make that possible. Procrastination is the demon that sits on my right shoulder while dreams are the angels on my left. Maybe that’s why I don’t lose hope. Negative vibes are inevitable and it’s easy to talk the walk but when given an opportunity, insecurities surface. I see geniuses around me and all I want to do is to see them at work. The confidence and knowledge that oozes out through them gives me pleasure. This is what everyone should live for. The passion. The life. The joy. Nothing else is significant. 

Nevertheless, my mind baffles me. It amazes me to even comprehend the fact that my mind can think about so many contradicting thoughts at once but that’s the beauty of it all. The worst part of it all is that I can’t express what goes in my head because words do it no justice. Words are meaningless when compared to these goosebumps inducing feelings. 

To see people who are superficial, makes me want to shake them and pour some sense into them but at the same time, I do nothing because as selfish as it sounds, I like enjoying the magnificence of the world through my own eyes without any corruption from others’ opinions. I feel like I’m a different person inside my physical body and for sure, no one I meet in my life will meet this person. I hate what I am outside. Too rash. Too rude. Too inconsiderate. But circumstances make people what they are. 

I wait for the time I can say that I’m a grown up without petty problems, yet, I want to be a carefree child with silly worries. I dread the responsibilities the future holds,I dread the future itself.

Written by my friend, Reshma Ram//


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